So I have been writing a book for a while the exact details I will keep a secret for now. However I have written a new little piece
for it that(I wrote while on a plane on my trip)I feel like sharing here...
I've never traveled this far-alone-before. And I am starting to go a bit crazy. I have a slight ear deformity that makes equalizing the air pressure slightly difficult. My head feels stuffy-I can't quite hear right. My brain is going a little haywire-I'm trying to just take deep breaths. I feel lost in a haze-and so lonely. A hug would help-I need a little tenderness-some gentle pets to calm me down. I'm beginning to feel delirious. Stuffy-stuffy-stuffy. I decide to stretch my legs.
Well some stretching and panicking and I'm feeling better. The flight attendant just brought me a stiff drink-just how I like it. I worry I am running away but I am not. I need a bit of growth, some marination of the heart and soul to refresh my life. This life of mine I felt was flashing a vacancy sign. The problem with being human-feeling. Feeling all the time, mostly suffering.
A slightly intoxicated woman I would guess to be in her fifties or sixties interrupts me to say I should turn the light on to better see what I am writing. But I like the dark. I can see perfectly well with this faint lighting...but anyways...the world is just going to keep on turning and we must find the strength to keep at it everyday. At least for me, it's difficult to find the hope and strength to get up everyday and try to make a difference. A lot of the time I want to give up-I don't-but boy do I want to. But somehow I grit my teeth and take the pressure. Crossing the dateline and a bit of refreshment moves over me-It's okay to need to regroup. It's okay to need a break from time to time. I find comfort in a quote of Arthur Miller: "Maybe all one can do, is hope to end up with the right regrets." At the moment that one sentence seems like the best things I've ever heard. Probably because I'm concerned I have made mistakes and maybe wasted time. Time, time, time. It'll just keep on going with or without you and you don't get any back. There's no do-overs. What's done is done and if you don't let go and move on you'll be left in the dust. Because even more than this airplane, time flies--->