I'm dead and I'm not dead. Why do I have to be such a dichotomy all of the time?
It gets to be really exhausting. I'm broken and not broken all at once.
Why am I here? Why am I like this?
I try and try, but it's never enough. I am never enough.
Is it too much? How am I like this? It's bewildering me. I'm lost. I'm a waste.
I can't get it together. I can't make it work.
A twisted vortex of polarities-spinning endlessly-neither end sticking-just reacting to the other.
No path. Just infinite reaction until I finally implode or explode.
I know what I am doing but I can never seem to do it well enough. I just wad myself up and throw it away. The awareness of my opposing forces there from the beginning, which it makes it all the worse that I have yet to grasp any sort of understanding. As if one day I'll just look in the mirror and finally it will make sense. Who am I? What am I about?
Why do I always seem to be in the middle of an existential crisis?
My soul simultaneously whole and broken? How do I fix this?
I fear it all ends the same. I can't relax, I can't stop thinking. The wheels just turn and turn.
I'm a circle, I'm infinite-round and round and round. No end nut also a dead end but also no end.
I'm life and death. Here and not here. It's like trying to see in the pitch darkness. You don't know what you are in until it's too late. You don't know if it is good or bad...It just is.
And you're not ever sure what it is except that IT IS. Which on some level you have to accept.
That it just is.
And let it go...